By Les and Leslie ParrottThe other day we received this letter from a newly engaged couple.
"I hear a lot of talk about how men and women have different needs, and I am the first to admit it's true. However, I have a tough time trying to pinpoint these needs so that I can better understand my fiancée. I think she feels the same way about me. Can you help?"
Every cell of our bodies, as men and women, differ. The skeletal structure, for example, of women is shorter and broader. Women's blood contains fewer red cells, making them tire more easily. Women have a larger stomach, kidneys, liver, and appendix, but smaller lungs. Scores of other physical differences may influence the way each person in a relationship feels and behaves. But in addition to the more obvious physical differences between the genders, societal expectations and modeling contribute to a plethora of differences between the sexes - all culminating in several gender-specific unique needs.
Many relational problems evolve because men try to meet needs that they would value and women do the same. The problem is that since the needs of men and women are often so different, we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs. If we ware truly committed to valuing our life partners, we must not only understand and appreciate our partner's differences, but we must commit ourselves to meeting their unique needs.
Willard F. Harley, in his popular book His Needs, Her Needs, has given us a great tool to do just that. He identifies the ten most important martial needs of men and women. You may or may not agree with all of them, but they can serve as a good discussion starter:
She needs affection - It symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. A hug expresses affection. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them.
He needs sexual fulfillment - Just as women crave affection, so to do men want sex. And they don't just want their wives to make their bodies available. They need to feel their wife is as invested in sex as they are.
She needs conversation - Not just talk about her husband's problems or achievements, but about her problems and her hopes. She needs quality conversation on a daily basis.
He needs recreational companionship - After sex, the need for recreation rates highest for men. He needs time spent in a mutually satisfying activity - whether it is sports, shopping, cooking, painting, etc.
She needs honesty and openness - Mistrust destroys a woman's marital security. If a husband does not keep up honest communication with his wife, he eventually undermines her trust and destroys any hope of security.
He needs an attractive spouse - A man does not need a supermodel for a wife, but he wants her to make an effort to be attractive to him. He wants her to dress in clothes he likes and do her hair in a style that is appealing to him.
She needs financial support - A husband's failure to provide sufficient income sends shudders through the underpinnings of a marriage. A woman needs to know that her husband is taking care of their family's needs and their future.
He needs domestic support - Old-fashioned or not, most men fantasize about a loving, pleasant home where few hassles occur and life runs smoothly.
She needs family commitment - Wives want their husbands to take a strong role in the marriage and express how important it is to them. They need to see evidence of a strong commitment to family life that is not overshadowed by work or anything else.
He needs admiration - Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. When a woman tells her husband (who has been sweating it out at work) that she thinks he's wonderful, it inspires him and keeps him going.
Like we said, you may not agree with all of these "needs," but the number of people who have bought and read Harley's book is enough reason to take them seriously and discuss how each of your particular sets of needs differ.
Remember, if you commit yourself to meeting the unique needs of your partner, you will become irresistible to each other and insure faithfulness in your marriage. You will build a relationship that sustains romance, increases intimacy, and deepens awareness year after year.
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ReplyDeleteexcellent article, which differentiated needs of men and women. Its damn true that, men and women differs a lot in their behaviour, attitude, personality etc. most of men dont understand this. They just go on with their own ways. They dont try to understand that women were bit sensitive. This articles really helps such people to understand the differeces between men and women.
ReplyDeleteNice article to read about different needs of women and men. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you
ReplyDeleteNice article regarding different needs of women and men. I enjoyed reading it. thank you
ReplyDeleteMen & women both have different needs. From my point of view men get involved physically where as women are more emotionally involved in a relationship. But if you want to make a successful relationship you must consider your partner's needs.
ReplyDeleteMen and women are totally different, not just in matter of physical but their attitude as well. A group of guys will hang out together and watch a football match, but will women do it the same way?the answer is definitely 'NO'. Therefore,through this simple example we can concluded that men and women are totally different in their hobby and their 'like' as well.
ReplyDeletethere is alot of difference on men and womens so there is although adifference at their needs as women are more emotional while men are more practical
ReplyDeleteThis is the best article on this blog, because it describes a building of relationship. And this is the most important thing. Its not about love actually, but about hard work. This article can easy it.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with Willard Harley... The differences in marriage are normal and the ability of both sides to understand them and to make compromises is what makes marriage strong and lasting.
ReplyDeleteMan and women are definitely different in all aspect. Every woman and man have their own needs, especially in love life, but when man and women together in relationship, they will fill each other different and become one.
ReplyDeleteFrom this article we get information that since the needs of men and women are often so different, we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs. Such as women need affection but men need sexual satisfaction, women need conversation but men need recreational companionship etc.
ReplyDeletethe needs of a man have always differed from that of a female..this article tells it all.nice explained and quite informative too.thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteI didn't know the differences between men and women can be explained scientifically. I do agree with the 10 points you mentioned at a certain degree. I think it's difficult to fulfill each other's need, since everyone is so different and unique, but it's always good to understand each other's needs and thus we can be more considerate.
ReplyDeleteGreat example of different needs of mans and womans. This article clearly shows the true nature of human beeing.
ReplyDeleteit is really a nice article about the feelings of men and women i did not see these kind of article any where after reading i understand the feelings of both of them i really like these article
ReplyDeleteits not easy to know that what woman think and whet their wish
ReplyDeleteits a really very nice article were i learn about different needs of womans
asia people said women want in understanding dude. so please keep women like your jewelry
ReplyDeleteMen and women are so different. This makes things complicated sometimes, but it makes things enjoyable, too. Men and women have different needs: men need a woman, women need a man. So, things aren't that comicated, are they?
ReplyDeleteVery good article. Both man and woman must consider all these aspects to have a good and strong relationship.
ReplyDeletemen and women are different.. and you definitely can't change the one next to you.. maybe a few of his bad habits or so but not who he/she is.. and we shouldn't try that.. acceptance and respect go a loong way!
ReplyDeleteits more difficult to find out what men and women needs. they wont speak out. we have to spot it.
ReplyDeleteYou , have , pinpointed , the differences , in needs of men and women, corectly. Like, first She needs affection - It symbolizes security, protection, comfort,
ReplyDeleteBut , men needs sexual fulfillment. women also, need, financial support or money, but men, need, domestic support , who will do their,
daily cooking and domestic -home jobs.
I’ve just read this article. I understand many things about the different needs of men and women through read this article.
ReplyDeleteFrankly speaking, I agree with the contents of this article since I learned it in college Psychology. However, although after 12 years of marriage and after familiarizing what my partner really needs, I really find it difficult to adjust in all her needs because often times she changes her attitude. I just learned that no matter what differences these are in your partner, just don't loose hope and continue knowing her and trying to understand her. She must also do the same to you. Differences of both male and female in a real marriage life is not a fix thing to deal with. Differences sometimes change and you must learn to adjust.
ReplyDeleteIm married and having one children. But as a man, i do think that we will never understand the true nature of our female counterpart. I believe life of a female is very complicated one.
ReplyDeleteMale and female are one species but very different organism as whole. Its jusk like the positive and negative charge of an electric. And also like the north and south pole of a magnet. But we do attract each other.
I definitely agree with your article. Men and women have different needs. That is probably the most common reasons of misunderstanding amongst partners. Different needs of women and men should not be a hindrance to a better relationship. One should be generous enough to give his/her understanding and the other one should also be appreciative of what his/her partner does to make the relationship works. Both should be open to changes as long as it is for the better.
ReplyDeletei'm agree...the key is understanding what each other needs, thats how we can keep our relationship. :)
ReplyDeleteThese article taught some what,the partners are must affectionate with each of them, otherwise life is useless.if the partners are understanding each of them means definetly the life will go meaning and color ful.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this article. More over, In my opinion, The human life is full of needs to be fulfilled. When it comes to marriage,the couple should atleast be aware of each others' needs.
ReplyDeleteaww, nice post, I've just known about this. Yeah Men and women do have different needs!
ReplyDeleteAll married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.
ReplyDeleteNice article regarding different needs of women and men. I enjoyed reading it. thank you
ReplyDeleteThe needs of man and woman vary. Thats why She needs affection but He needs sexual fulfillment, He needs an attractive spouse but She needs financial support etc.
ReplyDeleteMen & women both have different needs. From my point of view men get involved physically where as women are more emotionally involved in a relationship
ReplyDeleteThe Men and womens needs changes always according to their age. Its is always difficult all time to know what someone needs even he or she is soo close to you. So you should give a good time to your every relation for knowing what they need from you.
ReplyDelete